Author’s description: Dirty talking Edward Masen convinces amateur novelist, Bella Swan, that all she needs to become a good writer is a little more 'research' on her subject matter. 11yrs of history won't make it weird. After all, it's For Authentication Purposes.
I like my angst, and I like it deep, dark, tear inducing, heart clenching, and generally gutting in every way. However, once in a while a story comes along that even though the majority of it is fluff, I am compelled to read.
107yearoldvirgin has a definite knack for humor and wit, without ever wavering on the line of ridiculous or corny. Everything she writes is golden, and her new story, FAP had me sucked in from the start just with her unique characterizations. At thirteen chapters in, I’m anxiously holding onto every word, waiting for… well… for them to finally do it.
Let me explain. FAP is the story of Bunny and Wardo, two college aged kids who have known each other since they were children. Because of a Prom night gone awry, she’s left with a deep animosity toward Edward and needless to say, she’s not at all pleased to learn that they share one of their university classes. Things quickly go from bad to worse when she leaves her laptop open and Wardo stumbles upon the romance novel Bella’s been diligently working on. And it’s awful…ripping bodices, aching nubs, aroused flowers…the kind of novel where that Fabio guy graces the paperback cover shirtless and windblown, wielding a sword.
You see, she has quite the following as an internet fanfiction writer, so she thinks she’s got the skill to pen something real. However, Wardo completely disagrees. He scoffs at her lack of knowledge in the area of carnal desires, and offers up his “services” to her, insisting a writer should always stick to what she knows. And it’s obvious she doesn’t know a thing about sex. Turns out, Edward Masen is a damn good teacher.
So their journey into sexual enlightenment begins. Edward is cocky and fun and has secretly been crushing on Bella for years, whereas Bella is completely in the dark about this, torn between hating his guts and jumping his bones. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.
107Yearoldvirgin updates a few times a week with short, really well written chapters that leave you breathless and horny, aching for more. I have such a crush on this Edward, I want to take him home and let him teach me everything he knows…because you know what they say, it’s never too late to learn.
Xoxox EdwardsBloodType
"The liberties he assumes with my body should enrage me, anger me beyond my own sanity. But it's just not that simple." Encounters born of need. Consequences neither saw coming. Guard your hearts. Not the ExB you're used to. AH
Here is what fandom fav, blinkie queen and fellow fic pimp, Rose Arcadia, has to say about FyW:
When I first started following Jadalulu (aka @JadaPattinson) on Twitter, I had no idea she was thinking of writing. All I knew was that she was full of fire and wit, I adore her! When she asked me to take a look at her first fanfic, I figured why not...I couldn't believe it. This was her first fanfic? Not only was the plot dangerously addicting and mysterious, but it was written extremely well. I immediately started pimping this.
It's just that damn good.
From the start it jumps right into this Prologue, filled with insane rough sex. It's harsh. It's shocking. It's...hot! Just that fact alone confuses you, because every rational thought in your head is screaming for you not to be turned on. Yeah, not gonna happen. You're gonna read and suddenly gonna wish you had ShamWow underwear on. And the things that come out of the man's mouth, dear Lord...
Now, as the story begins, you get a very tiring look at the life which Bella leads. It's described in such detail that you find yourself feeling exhausted for her. Then out of nowhere, Edward comes in and everything changes. He has a sexual proposition for her, which she immediately refused and dismissed. But ultimately, circumstances force her hand. Looking at the pros and cons, she tells herself she can handle it and decides to accept his offer.
Lil' girl has no idea what she has gotten herself into.
The psychological struggles that she faces are real and deep. Very deep. Now I know most of us would jump at a change to ride the Edward train, but in reality, it would be like making a deal with the devil. Jadalulu really digs into this part of the story, leaving you no doubts whatsoever about Bella's true thoughts and feelings. But when she does go to Edward, as much as she wants to hate him for the his taunting, humiliating foreplay, she ends up enjoying it...craving it even.
As the story continues, Bella discovers a few things about Edward, making her dare to believe that maybe he does have a soul. With every observation or piece of information she gets, the fic actually gets even more mysterious. Jadalulu has every reader on the edge of their seats, not only for the intense Roughward scenes, but to discover what brought him to be this man in the first place. It's sexy, addicting, dark and emotional...and as events begin to unfold through the chapters, you'll see that there is much more to this amazing fic than just angry sex.
What a great billboard that would make, eh? Come for the rough fucking, stay for the plot!
Go read this if you aren't already. Will you be disappointed? Absolutely NOT! Quickly addicted? Yes, I'm afraid so...but you'll thank me for it.
When Private Eye Edward Cullen decides to investigate the "accidental death" of an old friend, he finds more people are involved then he originally theorized as the case takes twists & turns he never saw coming after Bella Swan arrives in town. AH, BxE
Here is what belladonnacullen, author of Rubbish and The Practice of Love, has to say about the Dick:
There’s nothing mild mannered about Private Investigator, Edward Cullen. He’s older, experienced, he’s a badass who’s not afraid of bad language, and he’s no virgin. He’s rough around the edges and loves Patron. And he’s funny. His internal dialogues won’t have you ‘ROFL’, they’ll have you actually rolling on the floor laughing.
So here’s the thing; this Dick’s a badass, but he has a heart of gold. He’ll run around D.C. catching purse-snatchers, trying to save kids that are down on their luck, and feeding stray dogs, all with a Colt and a snarky comeback at the ready. It’s his internal moral compass that’s estranged him from his family and that has him on his own instead of on the D.C. police force.
Cullen’s life is at a stable, isolated, secret superhero standstill until a new P.I. comes to town. Bella Swan, or The Swan as you’ll come to know her, is as green as they come, but she’s also got a black belt and mad skills picked up from her dad back in Forks. Once these two are thrown together to work on a staged murder, sparks fly, walls start to come down, and this fic really hits its stride.
One of the best first kisses you’ll ever read: just wait. Best blowjob, that comes next. Best… oh, you get the picture. (I digress.)
Funny, hot, with twists and turns and murders around every corner… That’s what you get when you read Edward Cullen, Dick for Hire. Seriously, this is one of my all-time favorite Twifics. If you’ve somehow managed not to read this story, dude, what are you waiting for? Click the link. You won’t regret it. Then read the sequel. You’ll never feel the same about Dick again.
Edward Masen's life intersects with Bella's at the restaurant he dines at for lunch every Friday. He's handsome, arrogant, and is used to avoiding love. She isn't impressed by the things that usually have women falling at his feet. AH/AU.
It starts like this: The number of open tabs on my Firefox window is low. I have no new updates in my inbox. I have an expanse of free time. I need a fic fix. So I scour the blogs for recs. I ask my friends if they’re reading anything good. I tweet my need and follow the links that our awesome fandom sends me.
Then I dive in. I read the first paragraph. Then another…and if I’m lucky, I find myself pushing that “next” button over and over and over, until I’m out of story to read. (Then I send the author gushy and inarticulate reviews, but we won’t talk about that, mmmkay?)
So it began with Fridays at Noon. The elements aren’t terribly original: Beyond-wealthy, CEOward. Humble and broke Bella. But what keeps this from being your ordinary twific is this: Troublefollows1017’s fantastic writing. More to the point? Her fantastic Bella.
Bella is a waitress at a high-end Seattle restaurant, where Edward Masen is a regular customer, each Friday at noon. When she is asked to wait on the restaurant’s most prestigious guest, Bella is a clumsy, nervous mess. When she spills an expensive bottle on wine on Masen’s even more expensive suit, she’s is terrified and mortified. But when Masen presents her with his dry-cleaning bill, after stiffing her for the tip on an outrageously expensive tab, well, that’s when Bella gets even:
"Well, I just wanted to apologize one more time." I reached into my messenger bag and immediately his smile disappeared. Perhaps he didn't trust that security had checked my bag thoroughly enough. Maybe he thought I was going to shoot him.
I pulled out a shiny nickel and placed it on his desk. "Sorry for spilling on your pants." I reached in and pulled out another nickel. "Sorry for not meeting your standards today. Waitress school was a real bitch." And another. "Sorry you are a pretentious ass, who for some reason thinks that he can yell at people and make them a jittery mess when all they're trying to do is make a living because not everyone in this world can afford to buy eight thousand dollar suits or drink four thousand dollar bottles of wine. Some of us scrape by, having to watch every penny and nickel."
I opened the flap on my bag and dumped the contents onto his desk. One thousand, one hundred and forty nickels to be exact. They spilled over the side of his desk and covered all the papers and folders that were sitting in front of him.
"Fifty-seven dollars. I believe that was what it cost you to clean your pants today. Consider us even."
As I headed out his office door, I couldn't help but smile. The look on his face was worth every nickel.
Do you see now why I love this story? And that’s just in chapter one! In chapter two, Edward gets a little payback of his own, and by chapter three, the two are on a bona fide date. However, don’t think it’s all smooth sailing. This is not a fluff fic. There is plenty of angst and drama, some heartbreak, a dash of corporate espionage, a madman who is after Edward…or is it Bella?
The usual cast of supporting characters come along for the ride, yet nothing about them is cliché. Rosalie is a bitch…but with reason. Emmett is big and buff, but not a mindless oaf and Alice is quite un-pixieish. My favorite though, has to be Jasper. Shocking, I know. ;) I love how the author has developed the friendship between Bella and her roommate, Jasper. It’s a real relationship, complete with concern, caring and even a few heavy arguments thrown in for good measure. It’s real, and when a fic can bring something real into my fantasy land? I’m a happy reader.
Some of my favorite fics have recently wrapped up, and my inbox gets lonely. It’s terrific to know that come Friday, I will have this Edward, and this Bella, to see me through another week. Please give it a try. You’ll be glad you did.
