Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Top Five Couples That Didn't Quite Couple:

I'm feeling like Bill and Jessica from True Blood need a shout out here, first. Everydamntime I think Bill and Jessica are gonna have their zing moment, something dissuades their call to action and it just pisses me right the **** off. They could be so good together. Jessica is so loyal and true and Bill is just the same... this ship just needs to happen. We all know that Sookie is gonna **** that man-fairy that just showed up and Bill will be a distant thought anyway.

Secondly, can we talk about Stefan and Caroline? I mean, my god... everyone can see that they both need to just fuck each others vampire problems right out of their systems and then see what a relief it is to have each other to do that with and then both realize how much fucking sense their togetherness makes. I mean, WTF Stefan and Caroline! Use your resources wisely, motherfuckers, gahd!

Thirdly, I'll be sure to highlight Lucas and Haley, from One Tree Hill, because those motherfuckers should have gone AWOL in love and had all the fun in the whole land. They were so accepting of one another, best friends and stuck by each other through thick and thin. They could've gotten at least one exploratory, sneaky fuck in for cryin' out loud. Such a let down.

Fourth on my list has to be Sebastian and Kathryn from Cruel Intentions. Look at theeeeeeese goddamn scoundrels. They were so meant for each other ya know? But it looks like family ties, jealousy, paranoia, hatred and sibling rivalry just kept these two sex fiends at odds with each other. I hate that because that sex could've been so explosive. Ultimately, we could've gotten some of the best choke-porn, to reblog on tumblr EVER, out of that scene that never actually happened. Snap.

Fifth and last of the evening is Jasper Whitlock and Bella Swan from that stupidass Stephenie Meyer novel, Twilight, that we all write fanfiction about.

All bullshit aside (because I know a lot of you only ship B/E) these two made a lot of sense together. Jasper was desperate to drink her, Bella was scared to death of him and rightly so, but all in all... he could've calmed her down... got her right where he wanted her and kept her there, drank from her and she could've enjoyed it as far as we know...and then a love story could have risen. But no, they just had to let Edward get his fifteen.

Of all the couples that never happened in the world, I know there are tons of better pairings than the five I've just listed. So let's hear what you've got... comment with your top five couples that didn't get to couple. TLS wants to hear about it... maybe we can even get someone (or a few) to fic it for us!

Thanks for Coupling with us! Love,



  1. I have a particular gripe about great TV shows that built up the UST for season after season, and then *pouf* there's no coming together, no sexing, just the announcement of a baby! WTF! I mean, I know sometimes it's because the actress got pregnant, but there are other ways to handle that, and they let that real-life circumstance ruin the story. Some of these examples are so old that y'all will realize I'm way too old to be reading Twilight fanfic...

    Catherine and Vincent from the original Beauty and the Beast
    Scully and Mulder from X-Files (this one still pisses me off)
    Bones and Booth from Bones

    Sigh. Grumble.

  2. Patrick Bateman (from American Psycho) and Jean, his secretary who was in love with him; (the novel, not the movie, but I think she was in the movie, idk) Anyway, she was perfect for him, and would have stored those sawed-off body parts in a second, if he'd only asked. *sighs* Is it just me, or was there some serious, pent-up, sexual energy flowing between Finnick and Katniss (from Hunger Games) while just sitting there tying knots in ropes? Probably just me. Flaming*Nerd*Alert! I'm sorry, but Mal and Inara (from Firefly) just...Motherfuck! *lowers voice* can I say motherfuck? Not sure if this counts, but I'm adding Denny and Izzie, I don't care if they would have, they didn't, cause they couldn't, cause he DIED! *cries* And you know what ... Seth and Jake from There Is A Light, yeah. I knew it from early on and the fact that Jake couldnt handle the truth just broke my heart right along with Seth's. - jonesn