Fab Four Reviews: TLS Fics of the Week May 31 - June 6

Captive by totteacher
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6973645/1/Captive
Bella is kidnapped only to find herself in an unground Empire of Vampires. Her only chance to survive is to be chosen by the Dark Prince as his offerring, submiting herself to an unknown future against her will, the only other option is death. Twilight - Rated: M



Review by: Evilnat

The first word that comes to mind when considering a review of Captive by totteacher is ‘mine’.  I guarantee if you ask anyone who’s read it that’s what they will say.  From the first moment you meet Edward he becomes ‘Mineward’.

I did not move, but I allowed myself to take a good look at the man who held me so closely. The tip of his nose skimmed my jaw-line and I felt his embrace ease up slightly as his sounds quieted slowly until they stopped. His body relaxed slightly as I watched his raise his head so we were face to face. Then he finally opened his eyes allowing me to see the color of his eyes. They were green.


They gazed intently into my own dull brown ones that I was mesmerized. They were such a bright, verdant green that I felt as if I was lost in a cool spring forest. I had no words. And rather than try to force out anything that didn't come out of its own, I remained silent as I regarded him. I did not speak. But he did. He opened his mouth to utter one single word.

"Mine!"

Captive is an alternate universe vampire story in which Bella is a human who has been abducted for the purpose of becoming a potential mate for the half vampire Prince of Darkness, Edward.  She is forced to learn quickly about this new world and come to terms with what is expected of her as the mate of the Prince.

The vampire history created in Captive is unique and the history of half vampire Princes is interesting.  There are a few elements taken from cannon but embellished and twisted to suit this alternate universe.  The ceremony when Edward must choose a mate is a major scene in the beginning of the story.  It introduces you to the way Edward gives in to the vampire, or the beast as he calls it, and also how humans are treated in this world.  Another cannon idea is the blood drinking of the human mother as she carries the half vampire heir, however Captive Bella isn’t quite as accepting of it as Breaking Dawn Bella was.

Edward is not quite cannon, but certainly reminiscent of it.  His bond with Bella is strong and he will do anything to protect her.  The beast almost makes him come across as having a split personality. When it emerges it makes him feral, running on instinct only.  His point of view is great to read as it gives the insight into the mind of the beast.

Bella is adapting to her new life quite well considering how quick everything has happened.  She has had to deal with learning about something that doesn’t exist in the human world and mourn the loss of her old life.

There is a beautiful intimacy that is shown from both points of view as they both discover each other.  They are soul mates who had barely spoken to each other before they mated but their connection is powerful.

Other regular supporting cast have made appearances but as the story is so young they are yet to develop very far.

I was drawn to the story being a lover of the supernatural.  It is an enjoyable read and I can’t wait to see it progress.  There are many possibilities and also a lot that can be explored just between Edward and Bella.  They have spent quite a few chapters in their own little bubble and time has moved very slowly.

I highly recommend anyone who loves a possessive Edward to check Captive out.  You’ll be saying ‘mine’ in no time too.

The Roommate by MandyLeigh87
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6945446/1/The_Roommate
I needed a roommate. What I got was one heck of a problem. AH BxE Rated M
Twilight - Rated: M



Review by: MinaRivera


I gotta be honest here, the only reason why I’m reviewing this story, is because the fabulous girls in here needed someone to review this fic and I was the volunteer *cough* sucker *cough* *cough* that offered to do it. What I didn’t expect was to fall completely in love with this story, so much so, that now, I’m determined to cyber stalk MandyLeigh87 and begged or bride her for an update.

This story is quite simple.

We meet Bella, a nice girl, a really cool girl, who suddenly finds herself without a roommate. Just as her friend Angela was moving in, she announces she wasn’t going to be Bella’s roommate and, instead, she was moving in with her boyfriend, Ben.

THANKS A LOT, ANGELA!

So, in order to find a way to afford the rent, Angela finds Bella a suitable person to help out, it was the least she could do after leaving our dear Bella stranded all over the sudden, right? Bella doesn’t have a choice but to deal with this situation. Good thing our girl is determined to make the best of it, even though she wasn't looking forward to having an unknown new roommate.

"Bella!" Angela peeked her head out from the kitchen. "I'm so glad you made it home before I left. This is the last box."
A sound echoed from down the hallway, coming from the bedroom formerly known as Angela's. I peeked my head around the corner and saw a shadow move across the doorway.
"He's here already?" I whispered.
"Yeah. He didn't have much…Good thing the living and dining room furniture was mostly yours or you'd have an empty apartment." She leaned in close and smirked. "I'm not going to lie. He's really hot."
"Really?" I squeaked.
"I mean I know you're kinda-sorta dating Paul, but there will be a gorgeous guy sleeping not twenty feet from you. I say you should take advantage of it. I don't think he has a girlfriend."

*GASP* A hottie just down the hallway? We GOTTA meet this guy, right?

"Bella this is your new roommate." He was turned away from me, shrugging out of his leather jacket. He set it on the bed and ran his fingers through his messy bronze hair and turned towards me. As soon as I saw his face, I inhaled a sharp breath and started choking on my sucker.
I doubled over and started hacking until it popped out onto the floor and rolled towards his feet. "Shit!" I whispered, not wanting to look him in the eye. This is not happening Bella. You're hallucinating. The only reason you see his face right now is because you were just thinking about him.
"I'd know that gag reflex anywhere," he teased.
My fists clenched at my sides as I straightened back up. "Fuck," I mumbled. I wasn't hallucinating. He was here. Right in front of me. The only boy I'd ever loved and the one I never wanted to see again.
"This is…" Angela started.
"Edward fucking Cullen what are you doing in my apartment?" I yelled. Angela looked confused as her eyes darted between the two of us.

WHAT? THEY KNOW EACH OTHER? OH. EM GEE!

"Bella Swan." A strange emotion flickered in his eyes for the slightest moment before he relaxed again. "I think you mean our apartment sweetheart. And I'm unpacking." He chewed idly on a coffee straw and smirked.
"I take it you two know each other?" Angela asked, gulping hard.
"You cannot stay here," I said, completely ignoring her. "I've been dreaming about keying your car since we graduated high school, I cannot live in the same apartment with you."
"Well tough titties. I'm staying." He shrugged and started unpacking his boxes.

Yep, ladies, his holy fuckhotness is an asshole, and Bella has no choice but to live with said asshole. Now, I know what you are thinking… HOT ANGRY SEX!
NOT!

At least not yet… *smirks*

Bella and Edward have a past, and it seems it’s not pretty at all…

I slipped silently from my bed and tiptoed over to my closet. I reached up and pulled out a small box from the top shelf. I don't know why I still kept it after all these years, but I couldn't bring myself to throw everything away. He was such a big part of me and even though I wanted to smother him in his sleep at the moment, I couldn't deny that.
I sat down on the floor and pulled the box onto my lap. I opened it with shaky fingers and was met with Edward's smiling face. It was our picture from senior prom, the week before everything went to hell. We looked happy, in love. I didn't understand how something like that could end up so wrong. Even after all this time, I couldn't believe he never told people the real reason we broke up. He didn't owe me that, not after everything that happened. Looking back on it, it was the one redeeming quality he had through our breakup. He called me names, threw glares my way, but he never said a word about it, not even to his brother. I would have known if he did. A lot of things would have been different.
I tucked the box back away in my closet and returned to bed. "Nine months," I whispered. Roughly two hundred and eighty days. It'd taken the man two seconds to break my heart all over again; I couldn't imagine what would happen in nine months.

Welcome to The Roommate.

This story has twists and turns, and just in the first three chapters I wanted to kick Edward on the nuts for behaving like insensitive asshole, and also chock Angela for leaving poor Bella with no choice but to suck it up, and live with her ex for at least nine months until the lease is up. But, you will discover not everything is what it seems, and is one of the reasons why I find myself completely hooked on this story.

Is this story going to have a HEA? Yes, MandyLeigh87 promises so. This story is very light compared to others she've done, she is just trying to have a lot of fun with it, so hopefully you'll just take it for what it is and have fun with it too. Just to forewarn, these characters were and can be immature at times so don't expect a lot of deep moments. Hopefully you'll get a laugh or a smile out of most of this story.

What happened between Bella and Edward? And when do we find out?

That's for MandyLeigh87 to know and for us to dot dot dot... She welcome theories, so make sure your review has one in there.

So go ahead, sit back, grab a beer and read The Roommate. You won’t regret it. I promise.

Cullen, Unscripted by FictionFreak95 (FL95)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5901030/22/Cullen_Unscripted
When Edward Cullen scores an entry level internship as a writer for his distant Uncle's TV Station immediately following College, his life takes some crazy turns as he makes new friends and finds love. AH, BxE, Rated L for Lemons, Laughing and Language.



Review by: MzB

So there really aren't words to describe any of Jo aka FictionFreak aka FL95's fics, but here is my attempt...
While the summary does give you some insider tips… there is definitely not enough warning for this story. There should be a huge flashing neon sign saying- Warning: Snorting and Peeing Ahead!(Of course this should be said in an Irish, or is that Scottish, accent.)
As we all should know by now, Jo is not only a plot genius but she should be a stand up comedian. Some of the things she writes should be etched on a plaque and hung on the Best Jokes of All Time wall.
Not to mention the fact that with Cullen, Unscripted she finally had more of a normal guy (not that any Edward is ever ‘normal’).
You first meet Edward Cu… Masen (aka Kuhmasen), as a college kid who has no family until his estranged uncle shows up offering him a job. Being the upstanding guy that he is, Edward decides to climb the ladder without a leg up from his uncle. He ends up with no where to live, needing income from another source and not telling anyone that he is Carlisle Cullen’s nephew. He meets Emmett, crashes on his couch and becomes an integral part of his group of friends. He gets a job which involves costumes, singing and serving. Need I say more?
Everything is going okay for Edward, until he decides to crush on the leading lady, Isabella Marie Swan.
Enter the antagonist, James Halloway, who is the epitome of douche and currently dating Edward’s new crush.

"You tryin' to say something? Intern?" he asked me, taking a step or two backwards so he was face to face with me again.
Again, with that intern thing…I still wasn't getting it. And was still, quite annoyed with it.
I looked up and made eye contact with him. "That red head that was camping out in the back of said limo might wanna tell you something, but me? Nah, I'm just trying to bond with my producer."
I smiled.
Wait for it.
He stumbled. I felt it, saw it, basked it in.
His face fell a tad and there was a moment where I could hear the wheels turning inside his head.
BAM! 
"You think you're smart, intern?"
And then, he crumpled my basking moment like a piece of parchment that had sat out in the sun too long…like a withering rose pedal that had been touched one too many times.
"Or should I call you, Cullen?"
Say whaaaaaat? 
"Ummmm."
Yeah, insert holy mother fucking Christ on a goddamn sail boat to China, shit for brains moment.
Right here.
"What?"

And all of a sudden you’re on the edge of your seat; wondering if Edward is going to lose his new group of friends and the possible love of his life.
And to keep you at the edge of your seat Jo decides to throw a little of this at you…

I got up to go again, but she grabbed my hand and I stopped, looking down at her. She met my eyes and my stomach literally dropped at what I saw in them.
Serious up.
Unadulterated.
X-rated.
Lust.
Lordy. Mighty. 
"I don't...want you...to go, Edward," she practically whispered it. If I hadn't been listening so intently, I probably wouldn't have heard her.
I swallowed.
"You don't."
"No."
She stood up and started slowly unbuttoning my shirt for me.
"What um...do you want, then, Bella?"
She looked me in the eyes and raised a single eyebrow before she said with perfect quandariless clarity, "You."

But, of course, because Emmett is always the best character (oh wait I’m not supposed to put my opinion in here?) he makes it easier on Edward, by helping him through the traumatic experience of telling all the people he cares about that he is a liar.

"Got something to tell us, Edward?" Emmett asked with folded arms and a scowl the size of fucking Texas creased along his forehead.
"Uh…"
Shit, I was kinda sorta re-thinking this whole, fessing up to everyone thing when I noticed Rose's arched eyebrow and Alice's pursed lips.
Jasper however, simply looked a little bored.
I couldn't help but wonder why they'd all be pissed already, unless…James had set me up and only TOLD me he was telling Bella to fuck me up, all the while planning to tell THESE GUYS behind my back!
Dickless, spineless, cowardly…fucking…asshole! 
I set my stuff down and eyed Emmett, 'cause let's face it, he was the biggest and I'd have to be quick on my feet to run away from him once this was out.
"Yeah…um…" I cleared my throat and he narrowed his eyes at me.
"So," I laughed, like it was a joke. "It's kinda funny actually…completely slipped my mind to tell you guys this…"
"What is it, Edward?" Rose asked coldly.
They were all staring at me and the weight of the lie was hurting my chest so I just let out a sigh and told them.
Emmett, mostly, but all of them, none the less.
Was I shaking?
I rubbed the back of my neck as I started. "It's Carlisle, ya see, he's…"
"Oh my god," Alice said, her hand flying to her chest. I almost thought she was being facetious, but then figured…nah.
"Is he okay?" she finished after catching her breath.
"No, no…I mean, yeah, he's fine, he's just…"
"Spit it out, Masen," Emmett spat, and I could tell, he already knew, he was just waiting for me to say it.
"Yeah, uhmmmm…that's not my last name, actually."
"Uh Huh."
Here we go. 
"It's…sort of…Cullen." I said the name quietly and I actually closed my eyes for a minute after I said it, waiting for the onslaught. Or, Emmett's fist. One of those.

So as you can see, Kuhmasen is one of the nice guys and as disclaimed by Jo herself, ‘He’s definitely not The Dick.’ If you’re ready for laughs, funny POVs and a little tingly (because we all know that Jo can write the lemons) then go read Cullen, Unscripted.

In Your World by solosintwilight
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6811278/1/In_Your_World
Bella is running from her life when it takes an unexpected detour, To Amish Country in rural Iowa where she finds sanctuary with a caring family. And meets a man who draws her into his world. Welcome to the world of Amishward. Twilight - Rated: M



Review by: Monica Manunta aka LaMomo
The buzz has been going around the fandom for months now.
Since Annie Leibowitz and an obscure fashion editor at Vanity Fair decided to drop a black wide-brimmed hat on Rob's head, we've all been bitten by the AmishWard bug. The setting, the pics, the hat, the face, the white shirt, did I mention the hat? Everything contributed to creating the look that was instantly dubbed "AmishWard", and in a lot of crazy corners of the fandom, a rumour (or a crazy idea) bounced from inbox to inbox - what if someone really wrote an AmishWard? What would he look like? How Amish would he be? How "Ward" would he be?

Our prayers have been answered, because solosintwilight has generously put her mind to the task and is regaling us with one of the most peculiar stories around lately - "In Your World".
These momentous questions are being addressed by her story in an admirable way and, with the recent ending of a couple of the hottest WIPs around, her regular weekly postings have done a lot towards abating my abandonment issues. AmishWard is the answer.
How so? A few key elements, without giving too much away.

The story starts with Bella running away from home, from canon, run-down, rainy, drab and reclusive Forks. So far, no news. The news is that she is running away from an abusive relationship with Jake - a relationship that Charlie is fully supportive of, up to the point that he condones Jake's behaviour. Bella has no other option than run the hell out of Dodge (aka, Forks).
But Greyhound is not a silver Volvo, nor a portkey, nor the USS Enterprise, nor the Black Death, and the coach breaks down halfway in the middle of nowhere. Unhappy camper Bella decides to snack on some corn cakes that happen to change her life, because she crosses path with a distinguished Amish named Carlisle Cullen and hides in his buggy as soon as she hears Jake thundering her name though said middle of nowhere.
Once he sees her frantic with fear, Carlisle agrees to harbour her and brings her home, where she finds a very Amish and very motherly Esme, along with her two daughers Alice and Rosalie. She hasn't been in the house for an afternoon, when she literally crashes into Edward. And the image of this gorgeous, but serious and tormented boy haunts her.
Edward is alone in the world, having lost his whole family to illness not a year prior to the start of this story. He was destined for the church, but life had other plans. His encounter with Bella upsets his little world, as much as her flight into the quiet, simple Amish way of life saves her from her worldly, but fear-ridden ordinary life.
They both have momentous choices before them - and such choices are forced on them as a misunderstanding sets them apart. While Edward remains momentarily stuck in his convictions and his conflicts, Bella resorts to her solution of choice - she runs away again. And her saviour this time is not Carlisle....
This will be their turning point, the fork in the road where they must choose their future path in life - where does it lead? Bella will choose the simple, generous, loving way of life of the Amish, with a black cloud of disapproval and suspicion looming over her, and with a lingering fear that Jake might come back for her. Edward will choose life - does this life lead him to Bella?
Apparently yes. But there are bumps in the road. Hold on to the buggy.

Solosintwilight is painting a great canvas here - with credible, consistent backstories for all characters, with careful and realistic research, beautiful writing, and a completely adorable Bella and Edward. Bella is worldly, but innocent at the same time. Edward is intense and brooding. Canon Edward? Check. He is also conflicted. And poetic - as in, he writes poetry. While I hand over the smelling salts, do yourself a favour, and click on that link..

PS: Outtakes are also posting from alternative POV's. This week's treat is a Carlisle POV. Very...scientifically enlightening. But read the latest chapter first. You won't regret it.