Tuesday, July 16, 2013
TLS Fics of the Week 7/9/13- 7/15/13: The Fab Five
The Art of Getting Fluffed by ChocolateSparrow
Like every professional, Edward Cullen needs the right tools for the job. But what happens when they just don't work anymore? Cue Bella Swan, an expert at being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The adventures of Bunny and Fluff. Rated M.
Reviewed by: VampiresHaveLaws
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a sucker for anything tear-worthy. Usually this means angst, with a side of angst. The Art of Getting Fluffed, however, has me crying for a whole different reason—it’s hilarious. Like the genuine, I’m-never-getting-this-smile-off-of-my-face funny.
Meet Bunny: King of the industry we like to call porn, who has been having a little trouble getting big things to get bigger.
"I can't help it, it's like my dick needs to be wooed. Rosalie isn't doing it for me."
Enter Fluff: Unsuspecting fluffer who happens to be in the wrong place at the right time.
"What the actual fuck is happening right now?" I turn the handle, tugging on the sticking door.
"Keep saying fuck." His low honeyed voice drifts across the room.
I drop my hands and glare at the pervert draped on the couch, forcing my gaze level with his lust-lidded eyes, flickering between my chest and bare legs. "Are you serious? Stop doing that you absolute fucking weirdo!"
His reaction is to throw his head back, a guttural moan pouring from his throat as he palms his now fully erect cock from top to bottom. He stands at the end of the caress and stalks over to me.
"I knew Jasper would find me a winner. You're fucking perfect," he whispers, holding his wood like he's going to pole vault with it.
Needless to say, Fluff gets Bunny hopping again.
Unfortunately for him, she’s not who he thinks she is.
"I haven't found you a fluffer yet, Ed. Whoever that girl was, she wasn't your fluffer."
After a series of unintentional run-ins (and some more intentional ones), none of this matters—the attraction is already there.
And this is where the fun really begins.
With lines such as: “Are they still casting for Fifty Shades of Grey Hair?" and “Got a crush on Long Dong Silver?” and “I haven’t been this excited since I filmed Titty Titty Gang Bang 3”, you don’t want to miss out on reading this one. It’ll have you laughing out loud. So if it’s time for church (you know, because who doesn’t hide their phone between the hymns?) or an impromptu trip to the library, it’s probably best to read this one at home. Or in loud areas. Mainly just read it.
On top of this being one of the funniest stories I have ever read, SparrowNotes24 and chocaholic123 are two of the nicest girls you could hope to meet in this fandom. They have time and a funny word for everyone. Love them.
Hide & Seek by Kharizzmatik
The night their lives were set to start was the night it all came to an abrupt end. Five simple words, "Let's play hide and seek", sparked a manhunt for Isabella Swan that has haunted Edward Cullen ever since.Back in Forks for the first time in over a decade, he has to face reality: he lost his soul mate. Is it too late to find her? Rated M
Pieces of You by Drotuno
She wanted all of him, something he couldn't give her. He'd finally found the one thing that meant everything, yet he belonged to someoneelse. She wanted to believe everything he ever promised, but a heart can only be so strong when faith is tested. Rated M/Canon couples/AH
Reconnecting Roads (Also known as The Long Road Home) The by MidnightLove87
Two exs join together after four years apart to make it home for the holidays before it's too late. E/B AH Rated M
A Bullet from Chekhov's Gun by Callmepagliacci
"Charming" was the first deep cover Edward Cullen ever affected, years before he became a spy. Bella Swan is an American girl at Oxford with skills MI6 wants. "Befriending" Bella Swan will be his most challenging mission yet. Rated M